Well, it’s official. For the first time in [mumbledy-mumble] years, I will be appearing on a regular basis in a city newspaper.
Not often, mind. But regularly.
I’ll be one of ten “Niagara Voices” appearing in the St. Catharines Standard. This also means I’ll be sitting on their community editorial board.
Yeah, I don’t know what that means, either.
Anyhow, my first column is due September 30, and I’ve got no idea what it’s supposed to be about. In the meantime I’m supposed to arrange a time to go into the Standard offices for a photograph.
They never said anything about that when we were talking earlier. This could be a deal breaker. Personally, I like the sketch portraits, like they have in The National Post. I think they lend a certain dignity to almost any face.
Photographs are created by mechanical contrivances and merely capture the outer being, which, unless you’re George Clooney, Avril Lavigne, or Michelle Pfeiffer, probably doesn’t bear close scrutiny.
Sketches, on the other hand, are created by real people with hopes and dreams and loved ones, all of which can be threatened to make sure they turn out something flattering.
Unfortunately, The Standard wants photos, not sketches.
And I just wanted a voice, not a face.
Linda Medrano
August 30, 2010
Frank, congratulations! This sounds like it should be pretty challenging and exciting too. I know you’ll do a bang up job! And if it was me, I’d go to Glamor Shots for the photo! Or have them smear Vaseline on the lens or something. Cool! I look forward to seeing you on 9/30!
Frank Lee MeiDere
August 30, 2010
You think smearing Vaseline on me would help?
Linda Medrano
August 31, 2010
No, but it does sound kinky.
Frank Lee MeiDere
August 31, 2010
Having just read your recent post (“Ain’t Nobody’s Business“), I suspect you have kinky on the mind.
On the other hand, you’re right.
nonamedufus
August 30, 2010
I think you should wear the gardening hat! Oh, nice going by the way.
Frank Lee MeiDere
August 30, 2010
I was thinking of just sending someone else in my place.
nonamedufus
August 31, 2010
Aw, c’mon. You’re readers will want to know who the real you is. Strike a dignified pose. You know, while picking your nose.
nonamedufus
August 31, 2010
Or maybe “your” readers, too.
Frank Lee MeiDere
August 31, 2010
“Your” right. How about this one (done by one of my students a few years back)?
Zhànzé
August 30, 2010
Stop making such a fuss!
You looked adorably next to the strange man with the hat.
:P
Congratulations!
Frank Lee MeiDere
August 30, 2010
You don’t think I looked to prickly?
Zhánzé
September 1, 2010
No, I don’t think so.
But if you feel you do, why not go to the florist’s and have some of your leafs shaved…?
Flo
August 30, 2010
Frank – how about giving them that picture of you and Jack? Or, I have some baby pictures I will be happy to send. Something like that would make a great columnist picture. And hooray! I am so happy you’ve finally made a breakthrough. Colour me cheering. Flo
Frank Lee MeiDere
August 30, 2010
How about I just give them the picture of Jack and tell them it’s me?
murr Brewster
August 31, 2010
The writerly pose with the chin resting on the hand always works for me, only I start from the eyebrows.
Really, after a while it doesn’t even hurt anymore. I’ve gone from putting a hand over my face whenever someone took a picture to having a picture of me on damn near every blog post, including my FANNY, and I barely feel a thing now.
Frank Lee MeiDere
August 31, 2010
Thanks for the suggestion, Murr. I’ll send them your fanny picture post haste.
Ziva
August 31, 2010
Congrats Frank, that’s great news! Just say that you’ll bring your own picture and give them one of George Clooney. Or maybe Avril Lavigne. No one will know the difference.
Frank Lee MeiDere
August 31, 2010
I’m going to Photoshop George and Avril into one portrait. That might work.
Jon in France
August 31, 2010
Congrats Frank.
Could you not ask them if you could send in a photo? Some years ago when, due to an administrative cock up, I got a stint writing (and getting paid, damn it) for one of the UK daily rags they wanted me to go in for a photo.
“Sure” said I, “But I live in France. Pay my air fare?” “Eh no – just send one to us.”
If your lot agree you could stage a little competition online for your readership to send in a photo (ladies could wear a false moustache or something) and you could select the most dignified. The prize, of course, would be getting one’s photo in the paper. The paper need never know.
Frank Lee MeiDere
August 31, 2010
Good idea, but first I’m going to see if they’ll pay my air fare to the UK. Or France. Either.
Flo
August 31, 2010
Well, there are certain similarities between father and son that I noticed when I looked at the picture again. But somewhere, there is a picture of you in a monk’s robe – how about that one? Holy Frank! lol
Frank Lee MeiDere
September 1, 2010
No monk’s robes. And no bear skin rugs.
Leeuna
September 1, 2010
Congratulations on the writing gig, Frank. That’s wonderful news. And don’t worry about the photo. No matter how good we look, they always make us look like dorks anyway. I think most newspapers secretly have all their columnists’ photos redone by the DMV.
Frank Lee MeiDere
September 2, 2010
I suspect you’re right, Leeuna. Of course, part of getting the driver’s licence photo just the way they want it is to have you stand in line in a hot waiting room for an hour or so before hand. Gives that “walking corpse” look they’re so fond of.
MikeWJ at TooManyMornings
September 1, 2010
Why would you sit on the editorial board of your local newspaper? Is this a fetish they have? A fetish you have? Personally, I have never wanted to sit on an editorial board, not in a photo or a drawing. I did want to serve on one once, though. Serving on one would be very interesting, what with being asked to contribute editorial ideas and drinking whiskey and such.
Frank Lee MeiDere
September 1, 2010
I can’t drink whiskey. I’ve tried — oh Lord, I’ve tried. Kept a bottle in my desk at JWT because — well, because it was an ad agency. But the only time I took it out was when someone came to my office and was upset. Or happy. Or because it was Tuesday. But I can drink wine or beer. If the editorial board has wine or beer I’ll be happy.
Truth is, I don’t want to sit on the board. Or serve on it, either. I already have to go to too many useless meetings at the college (in fact, there’s one tomorrow I’ll be missing).
But this talk of whiskey and advertising and stuff just brought to mind a post I did for my advertising site a while back. I think I’ll repost it here because I’m not getting time to write much.
Thanks!
MikeWJ at TooManyMornings
September 3, 2010
You’re welcome. I consider my duty in life to inspire other bloggers as I’m often so very uninspired myself.