Nicky, a co-author of We Work For Cheese, gave me the award. Possibly because she’s eaten too much cheese. According to the rules, “The Sunshine Award is awarded to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspires others in the blog world.”
See that? That bit right there about “positivity and creativity”?
Now let’s review the bidding. To date I have likened David Suzuki to a chimpanzee with a stick, railed against Canadians for being smug, accused women of being ungrateful and self-centred, ranted against men for being moronic and illiterate, and criticised today’s youth for being completely clueless when it comes to computers and the internet.
On top of this, I hate the metric system, intensely dislike positive thinkers, and I once left my cousin wrapped in barbed wire while I went home to read a book.
No, really.
About the only person I ever have a good word for is Avril Lavigne.
Flowers. Sunshine. Blue skies. Yep, that captures my blog perfectly.
Is there a picture emerging from all this? Does it look anything like a picture of “positivity” or “inspiration”?
If it does, you’ve been eating too much cheese.
Now the rules of this award call for the recipient to pass it along to 12 other bloggers.
Twelve.
That’s more bloggers than I have fingers.
But it is the number of inches in a foot, which means it’s duodecimal. And not decimal. Like metric. Which I hate.
So I’ll go half way with this. Since I don’t read blogs that are filled with “positivity,” I’ll concentrate instead on the ones that at least inspire me.
(1) MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings: because he inspires me to try keeping up to his level of quality in writing without having to sacrifice an iota of sarcastic cynicism.
(2) Ziva at Ziva’s Inferno: because she inspires me to imagine a beautiful Mossad agent with great hair getting the hots for another woman.
(3) Chris at Knucklehead: because he inspires me to insult dogs and revisit the more horrible aspects of my childhood.
(4) Leeuna at My Mind Wandered — And Never Came Back: because she inspires me to be more irritable about things like packaging that requires chain saws and blow torches to open.
(5) Murr Brewster at Murrmurrs: because she inspires me to try packing more funny into every sentence.
(6) JohnnyB at Late for the Sky: because he inspires me to try my hand at satire, plus I know he’s going to decline the award.
(7) Jason Mayo at Out Numbered: because father blogs are rare, honest father blogs rarer still, and he inspires me to keep my writing real.
(8) Josh Fruhlinger at Comics Curmudgeon: for inspiring me to look at the daily comic strips with an even more jaundiced eye than I normally bring to them.
(9) Tremendous News at Tremendous News: for inspiring me to humiliate my children on Facebook.
(10) Janna at Jannaverse: for inspiring me to try packing even more funny into every sentence.
(11) & (12) John at Nonamedufus and Joe at Crotchety Old Man Yells At Cars: who, through their continued up-beat attitude despite undergoing horrendous medical procedures inspire me to keep my humour even when things get tough.
Wait a minute — those last two were kind of positive.
Sorry about that.
Anyway, there they are. There are others I read and enjoy, and these kind of things always put me in a bind because it’s inevitable that people get left out and then I feel bad for a while until I finally remember the most important thing:
I don’t give a damn!
This picture is for illustrative purposes only. In case someone doesn't know who Avril Lavigne is. That's all. It's educational.
• Hyperbole and a Half
• The Comics Curmudgeon
• XKCD
Pop Culture's Kids
Raghead: The fiendly neighbourhood terrorist
• Before Morning Breaks
• In Jaynes World
• Laura's Unlikely Explanations
• Mental Poo
• Murrmurrs
• My Mind Wandered: And Never Came Back
• Nonamedufus
• The Good, The Bad, The Worse
• Too Many Mornings
• We Work for Cheese
• When I Reach
• Ziva's Inferno
I don't give a damn 
MikeWJ at TooManyMornings
May 11, 2010
Thank you kindly, Frank, but I don’t think you’re going to have any trouble keeping up to my “level of quality in writing,” especially since you wisely didn’t specify whether it’s good or bad quality and everybody here, including me, pretty much knows where I fall on that scale. Which is off. Completely off.
By the way, did you honestly think that I’m any more positive and smiley than you are and might appreciate this award any more than you do? Because if you did, you were dead wrong. I’m seriously jaded, my friend, and fully expect the world to blow up at any minute–not that I care, mind you, it’s just that it’s going to happen, catching a lot of people by surprise, which I might find at least marginally entertaining. In fact, the only thing I like about this award, besides being recognized on some level buried deep within the blackest recesses of my battered, world-weary skull, is that it afforded you another opportunity to post another picture of Avril. And that is the best picture yet, I must say. She is seriously getting more and more beautiful as she matures. And not in a smiley, upbeat way, either. Not judging by her slightly goth corset and witchy midnight-mass skirt, anyway.
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 11, 2010
Of course I didn’t pass the award on to you out of some misguided belief that you’re positive. I read your Las Vegas post (I’m Leaving Las Vegas, But It’s Not Leaving Me), and the images are forever burned in my mind.
And the one thing you can count on with Avril, she’s not an up-beat kind of girl. Also that she’s hot. So that’s two things you can count on. And that she’s never going to come knocking on my door. So that’s three. But mostly, that she’s hot.
Nicky
May 11, 2010
Now, Frank, I think you sell yourself short! You are completely positive about not giving a damn (except about Avril, and I must say, that pic of her is hot. Very hot. So that is totally understandable)And look at that comic strip. If that doesn’t demonstrate creativity, I don’t know what does! So you see, positivity and creativity, all in one snarling, fiery, grouchy, handsome mass. (Ya, I threw in the handsome ’cause I’m a total suck-up). Now, I wasn’t expecting any “Thank you Nicky. This is such a wonderful honour coming from a gorgeous, hot, slightly-bisexual with domination fetishes, talented purple avatar such as yourself and I will cherish it always” but I know you were thinking it. And that’s what counts. You’re welcome.
And MikeWJ, don’t you have a geography class to teach?
Ziva
May 11, 2010
Nicky, I’m very intrigued by those domination fetishes you’re talking about… Very.
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 11, 2010
I would say “Thank you Nicky. This is such a wonderful honour coming from a gorgeous, hot, slightly-bisexual with domination fetishes, talented purple avatar such as yourself and I will cherish it always,” but now I’m stuck on a new image of you and Avril together and nothing else can get past it.
MikeWJ at TooManyMornings
May 12, 2010
You know, I did have a geography class to teach, but then I got distracted by this hot, slightly-bisexual dominatrix wearing a skin-tight purple leather outfit and completely forgot where I was. I probably ought to be disciplined for the lapse. Severely.
“Ouch! Thank you, mistress Nicky, may I please have another–this time with Avril holding the paddle?”
Ziva
May 11, 2010
Aww, Frank, thank you! I’m touched! And kind of turned on by Avril in that corset thingy.. I have to agree with Nicky, though, you have everything going for you. Just look at that last frame of the comic strip, he’s practically glowing with positivity and creativity. You definitely deserve that award. If nothing else, you can set it on fire. And then Nicky, Avril and I could make out in the soft glow of the live fire, corsets flying, cheese melting, awesome hair everywhere…
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 11, 2010
And now I’m stuck on you, Nicky and Avril all together and I think I’m going to have to go to Italy where Mike assures me that the pope will forgive me for anything involving tight sweaters, lack of tight sweaters, awesome hair and stuff like that.
MikeWJ at TooManyMornings
May 12, 2010
I’m pretty sure the Pope has to forgive you for pretty much any naughty sexual thoughts you might be having these days, Frank. God, I hope so, anyway, because between Avril, Nicky and Ziva–and when I say between, I mean it as literally as I can in the virtual sense–my mind’s so polluted with prurience that it makes Love Canal look positively pristine.
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 13, 2010
I’m almost positive I agree with you, or perhaps not, but all I got out of your comment was “between Avril, Nicky and Ziva” and the rest kind of got lost. But I’m sure you’re right about Pepsi.
MikeWJ at TooManyMornings
May 12, 2010
P.S. — By the way, when Ziva says she’s touched, I think she probably also means that literally. This woman could drink most men–and women–under the table, then out under-table them, too, if you get my drift. I think it’s the third arm that gives her an advantage, although the green skin, awesome hair and liberated European outlook probably don’t hurt much, either.
Leeuna
May 11, 2010
Thank you for the award Frank. And I’m happy that I have inspired you to be irritable about using a chainsaw to open packages. (Actually, you might need to use one to open Avril’s tight black corset). Of course, you should try to hide your irritability from her while you’re cutting it off. But I have every confidence that you can do that.
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 11, 2010
You’re welcome. And Avril is a “punk princess” — whatever that is. But I think it means she appreciates irritability.
Chris@Knucklehead
May 11, 2010
Awesome! Thanks for the award, Frankie. And trust me, if you had a dog like mine, insulting him would be the NICEST thing you’d want to do.
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 11, 2010
I had a dog much like him. We named him Messiah, but called him “Messy,” because his primary activity was sitting in the middle of the floor trembling followed by a sustained piss.
Jon
May 11, 2010
I got one of these awards once. I was tenth on the list of ten. I think we all know what that means.
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 11, 2010
It’s supposed to be 12 people. But it still means you’re more positive than I am.
And I notice you only passed it on to nine people. That means you’ve got one more to go (or three, depending).
Now, I’m not sure if these things work like chain letters where if you don’t follow the rules to the letter then wild wolverines will devour your intestines and such, but I figure it’s best to be safe than sorry. Especially since I really, really don’t like wolverines and would do anything to keep them from devouring my intestines. Or anything else. But my point is that you are flirting with dangerous powers by not completing your task. Has anything gone wrong in your life since you received the award? Maybe something like getting stuck taking care of Guinea pigs?
Ah ha! I knew it! See, that’s because you still have one more person with whom you must share the sunshine.
Share the sunshine now! Avoid the wolverines (and the Guinea pigs)!
Jon
May 12, 2010
Explains a lot really. But what is life without a bit of texure? I’ll continue my flirtation with danger for the time being.
Has anyone ever been eaten by guinea pigs?
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 12, 2010
Have you never seen South Park?!
00dozo
May 11, 2010
At the risk of having you snark me one way or another, I would like to extend my congratulations to you for receiving the award. You intimidate me in a manner which makes me look up almost every word I post (yeah, I’d be learnin’ me grammar), and improve upon my writing, but this is a GOOD thing. So, ironically, you are one of those “bright and shiny people”. Deal with it.
;-)
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 11, 2010
You are quite right to be cautious of the snark, even though they are, on their own, quite harmless and have a taste:
Another of its fine traits is:
And anything that gets up late is fine by me.
However, as the Baker discovered, while hunting the snark:
So yeah. There’s that.
But “bright and shiny”? You wound me. I consider myself more “dark and twisty.”
00dozo
May 12, 2010
I’ll agree that you are “dark and twisy”, making me look up Boojum and other strange words. I do remember that poem, though (well, maybe not word-for word and certainly not the name of the author). An elementary school teacher read it to our class and at the time I thought it odd that Dr. Seuss would write such a thing. But in my own defense, I was just as good then as I am now at forgetting names.
MikeWJ at TooManyMornings
May 12, 2010
I just read an entire article about Lewis Carroll in the latest Smithsonian. Interesting fellow.
Nobody ever calls me bright and shiny, and I’m glad. I prefer to think of myself as dark and rusted, with sparks of electricity flying off my most ragged parts and into the ether. Perhaps, if I ever join Second Life, I’ll design an avatar for myself that looks that way. That would be very cool.
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 12, 2010
My son has one avatar in Second Life that is an anthropocentric skunk that farts stink every so often, so I don’t see a problem with an electrically charged one. Avatar, that is, not skunk. Although that too, if you wanted.
00dozo
May 12, 2010
MikeJW: If you do join Second Life, might I suggest your avatar adopt an epidermis and play a Scottish character that shoots lightning bolts out of his arse at his enemies instead of just wasting electricity into the ether? It would be more practical since we need to conserve energy, don’t you know.
Frank: My new laptop is slightly delayed, but considering the events of my past week, I’m not surprised nor am I disappointed. I’d be reachin’ SL sooner or later.
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 13, 2010
When you do, let me know and we’ll try setting up a meet. (I say “try” advisedly, having had past experience with the platform.)
Also, you might want to give yourself some money. I’ve always lived in world without ever having put a penny into it. In fact, Second Life provided me with a handy little extra income while I was writing about it. But I think it’s better to start off with at least a few Lindens (SL money). You can get around 5,000 Lindens for $20 US. This allows you to buy things right off the bat, including new skins, hair, and other accessories so your avatar doesn’t look like a perpetual newbie. (The basic avatar skin and clothes are pretty — bland.) And although a lot of events are free, some activities, concerts, lectures and such require an admission free.
Good luck.
Janna
May 11, 2010
Sunshine? Me?
Wow, this might be a first.
Thank you for including me on your list of 12 bloggers.
I’m still getting over the shock. :)
And thank you especially for putting my Jannaverse badge thingy in your sidebar! Yay!
I feel like I’ve won the lottery, except without all the money and taxes and media coverage and freedom from poverty.
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 11, 2010
Actually, the badge thing has been there for a number of months, ever since MikeWJ directed me to your blog which made me laugh and pee the chair. (Okay, so I sometimes pee the chair anyway, but still — there was laughter. I’m sure there was laughter.)
And all that money and freedom from poverty stuff is over-rated anyway.
MikeWJ at TooManyMornings
May 12, 2010
Janna is a treasure among bloggers despite having a banana permanently attached to her face. I’m glad you started reading her posts. She has a wonderfully twisted sense of humor, and she’s brief, which is a talent that I greatly admire in the same way that I admire smart, thin people who never piss themselves.
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 13, 2010
“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”
What? I’m recycling.
00dozo
May 12, 2010
Janna: I visited Jannaverse today and would have to say that you are unique and entertaining (a.k.a. bloody hilarious and what BonyMike said). I will visit more often. Congrats on the award!
BonyMike: That’s a banana?? Dang, I’m in desparate need of new eyeballs. (Really, “BonyMike” is easier than typing, “MikeWJ” only because I’m somewhat dyslexic , generally transposing your initials and then having to correct them all the time, but I mean no disrespect ;-)
Frank: The next time BonyMike suggests another site, might I suggest you visit the privy beforehand? I, myself, have fallen victim to this ‘hand-in-warm-water’ ploy.
MikeWJ at TooManyMornings.com
May 13, 2010
00dozo, I myself have trouble typing my own name/initials. Basically, I hate my name. Always have, even when it was just Mike Whiteman. The Jones just made it worse.
I’ll try the skin thing, but I don’t know. Lightning bolts out the arse, however, sounds like a lot of fun. I’d love that in many ways.
Argentum Vulgaris
May 12, 2010
I didn’t come here from Leeuna, if you don’t understand, ask her. I have frittered away some time here and have been a tad more than slightly amused. My amusement led me to include your blog on my Blogger’s Cafe in Library 1 – Random Ideas: http://avarchives.blogspot.com/
I’ll be back to waste, ah wile some away some more hours.
AV
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 13, 2010
“I have frittered away some time here and have been a tad more than slightly amused.”
I thank you, Silver.
May I call you Silver? Or do you prefer a more common name?
In any event, “a tad more than slightly amused” would, using the basic conversion rate of 2T=1S (two “tads” to a “slightly”), give this blog an amusement value of 3T or 1.5S. Of course, that’s in British/Canadian measurements. I believe in the American system it’s 3T=1S, giving it a rate of 4T or 1.25S.
In terms more commonly understood, that means this blog has the same amusement value as five minutes of a Pauly Shore movie.
That’s more than I’d ever dreamed of.
Thank you for including me in your library, although doing so shows that you’ve never actually seen me handling books. While I love books (and lug around 3,000 of them every time we move), I’ve never been particularly reverential towards them. At least not in their outward appearance. Nevertheless, I will attempt to be a good patron and not dog-ear corners or write in the margins.
I also appreciate your proper use of “wile away,” although the result has been that I now have the Scarecrow’s song, “If I Only Had A Brain,” stuck in my head.
Still, it’s a pleasant ditty. And it could be worse. I could be stuck with five minutes of a Pauly Shore movie running in my head.
Again, thanks for the library inclusion. I’ll ask Leeuna about your cryptic comment.
Argentum Vulgaris
May 13, 2010
I haven’t thought of that song in years, maybe I should hum (I can’t sing, when I try the elephants in Africa tremble) it occasionally as a wishful thought. The majority of the hoi poloi refer to me simply as AV, but I answer to most things. I must confess, I don’t know who Pauly Shore is, I can only stab in the dark and suspect it is a genre of films I’d rather not see; at least I now know what Avril Lavigne looks like, likewise with Pauly Shore, I have no idea who… Yes, the nuances between the US/British measurement systems can be confusing, but I’d rather have a British Billion, inasmuch as I am sure you are pleased the American debt is measured in American billions.
The inclusion in my library on Blogger’s Cafe was a pleasure, one rarely finds exceptional blogs. I will remember not to send you a real book, I love them, although with today’s technology and through my own addiction I rarely have time for them. Actually, I do have one it’s called The Snark Handbook, you’ll find a reference to it on Tomus Arcanum (I think, or maybe Life is Just like that… I can’t remember where I posted about it; I suppose I could look, but as I’ve only one coffee under my belt, I haven’t the energy). I used to have a good library, but that was18 years ago before I became a vagabond in South America; I live in Brazil at present.
As I said, I will be back to fritter and wile
AV
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 13, 2010
“Fritter and Wile” would be a great name for a vaudeville team.
murr Brewster
May 13, 2010
Dude. I’m totally honored. I’m so honored that I’m going to go ahead and put in a Poop Post next Saturday. I was going to do it anyway, but now it will be the Frank Lee MeiDere Honorary Poop Post, and don’t let no one tell you any different.
I really AM honored, because just between you and me–this is private, right?–there are only so many blogs I really care to dip into all that often, and yours is one.
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 13, 2010
Okay. I’m scared. Flattered, but scared.
As for private — you wouldn’t believe how private.
MikeWJ at TooManyMornings.com
May 13, 2010
Well, cheer up now. It’s much less private than it used to be, Frank.
Frank Lee MeiDere
May 13, 2010
Does that mean I have to change out of my jammies and bathrobe?
nonamedufus
May 16, 2010
Muchly appreciated Frank. I’m back on my feet after my mini medical melodrama and my worst problem now is identifying with your son’s Second Life avatar. But this, too, shall pass (And when it does, stand back!)